You don't have to understand the world. You just have to find your own way around in it. - Albert Einstein

Wednesday, 30 December 2015

The Hardest Years Shall Not Be Forgotten Years


So tomorrow brings the end of another year. I know I've fallen totally out of the blogging radar, but I am determined to get back on track to publish my Year of Books tomorrow. So here I am.

I know now why I haven't been blogging these last couple of years. The truth is, I was living in a bad situation, and really, it's for the best that I wasn't blogging during that time.

Sometimes I wonder how I could have gotten myself into such a situation. But I knew what I was doing. I knew the risk I was taking. And I know why I did it - for the same reason that most people get themselves into terrible situations with the best of intentions. I loved someone, with a love so huge it split my heart wide open until it was bigger than the whole world, and my own life just didn't matter as much as this love. And of course, when you love someone that much, you have given a hostage to fate, and you are at the mercy of the trials of their life as well as your own. That's how I fell prey to the tyranny of a really crazy person. There's a saying in the mental health industry - there are people who have a mental illness, and then there are people who are just crazy. This one turned out as mad as six hatters and a cut snake. It wasn't pretty.

But that was then, and now I have moved on and gotten my life back. It cost me a broken heart, but I've had plenty of practice with those by now, and I'm getting better at it. I've promised myself that I will never love someone that much again, and damn the temptation to fate that comes of saying 'never'.

There's no point me trying to be discreet about my new location, because as soon as I publish a photo that I've taken anywhere in the main street, it will instantly be recognised by thousands of people across the world. I live in Nimbin! I never would have thought that I would end up here, but once I did, I just felt like I'd won the lottery. This place is just amazing. There will be plenty more on that subject, but whatever you've heard, it's probably true.

I'm still caring for Mr CJ. Honestly I would have thought that he'd be dead by now, but he's still hanging in there, probably mostly just through sheer stubbornness. It does help that we're living in such a beautiful place now.

It will be a slow start, as I don't have Internet on at home yet, and I'm working at Internet cafes and suchlike, which is a lot harder for me than working in the comfort of my own home. Or even my own bed. But I'm getting there. I can't wait to see my Year in Books typed up myself.

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